Life Goes On

I need to be positive!!

I just spent a good two hours reading a old friend's blog. She has gone through so much and yet all of her blogs were so positive. I WANT to be that way.

I have to say.. though i may be upset at the time, i know that this will pass. I am so happy that i have the gospel in my life. It is a powerful tool that can bring pure happiness into my life.

My life is NOT bad. I'm just struggling with sadness at the moment.

But, no matter what, I'm going to WORK at keeping my head up and staying positive.

Life is good!!

It's beautiful outside!

And last but not least,

I Am Blessed!

I realized..

I'm NOT okay.

I don't know what's wrong with me.

But.. i have no motivation.

All i want to do is sleep.

And i hardly eat.

And i cry.. without fail.. everyday.

I'm NOT okay.

Confliction.

Oh boy. This week has been full of ups and downs for me.

Honestly, my life is good. I am SO blessed, and i honestly should be more grateful.

Life is good! I should be happier.

But alas, i am not.

As the title says.. I'm conflicted.

I so desperately want things to be okay with my ex boyfriend. And things were going.. well as smoothly as they could, all things considered. And me? With my big mouth? I had to tell him how i was feeling. And now.. we aren't talking. At least, not really. That hurts so badly!

I can tell he is going through a hard time. He has been my shoulder to cry on many times. I just want to be here for him. Yet, being the ex-girlfriend, I'm thinking that he doesn't WANT me to be that person. It honestly hurts so badly. It feels like our friendship is falling apart.

You have to understand, he came into my life at a terrible time. They (his family, not just him) have been such a blessing to me. I don't think they truly understand how much their love has helped me. I don't know what i would do without them. THIS is why it's effecting me so heavily.

You all are probably thinking, wow she talks about her ex too much! I know, i know. I'm STILL getting over this. It helps me to vent. I'm going to try my HARDEST to be positive.

Until next time.

...... what do i do?

I think that i am too sensitive. My feelings get hurt much too easily.

What do you do when you feel like you are wanted around.. or not even wanted to simply talk to?

Walk away?

Ha.. it's not that simple.

Time to Heal

Boy.. this has been a tough week for me.

Went through a break-up with my first love..

Discovered that my mom is still drinking.. and has been for months. (More on the drama later.)

I've been mopey, sad, and down-right pathetic until early this morning. I realized.. that i NEED to be positive. It's okay to be sad.. but it won't get me anywhere.

Today itself was good. I LOVE SUNDAYS!! They are the best day of the week. A dose of the spirit.. and time with good friend's and family.

I went and hung out with ex-boyfriend from above. He's honestly a great guy. NO MATTER WHAT HE SAYS.

 We are total dorks though... we hung out all day. and for a good four hours of it.. we sat on our laptops transferring music to one another.. barely speaking.  It was quite funny! It was a good time.. and I'm SO GLAD that we are friends still. He is my best guy friend.. for sure.  I realized something today.. but I'm not going to say it. Because he reads this. :)

I have to say i love his mom. She's a total sweetheart. This morning, i was pretty worried that things would be awkward in church.  His mom came up to me and hugged me and told me no matter what.. that I was one of the family. That made me feel 184398743 times better.

So after all this, here's to the more positive Taneil. :)

Now for the tough stuff

I wrote once today.. my first blog.. and a life changing thing happened soon after i wrote it.

I am living the single life.. again.

It's been 4 months and i'm back. I really didn't think i'd be back this soon.. but you know.. stuff happens i guess.

He had been distant from me for awhile.. but when i saw him in person..  i felt like everything was okay.

This is really hard for me. I love this boy. I love this boy with all my heart.. and i'm starting to wonder if he.. loved me or not.

Before me, he had feelings for another girl. A beautiful girl. A talented girl. She is one of those girls who does everything. She broke his heart.. and even to this day.. i don't know if he ever really got over her.

I have ALWAYS felt.. like i can't compare to her. She's perfect.. and i am not. They have been friend's for YEARS. And yet anytime he would talk to her, or even hang out with her.. i would feel... bad.

He needs to work out personal issues he has.. and i totally understand that. It doesn't mean that it doesn't hurt.

This is kinda a first breakup for me. I've been in one other relationship before.. but when HE broke up with me.. it didn't hurt the way this one does.

This boy is my best friend.. he has been through SO much with me... and now it's over.. i look back on our relationship.. and think about how great it was..  and how much i'm going to miss being his girlfriend. He treated me better than.. well anyone else i know.

So in a nutshell.. my heart is broken.  I'm going to get over it.. just not tonight.

Here We Go!

Hello All!
I'm Taneil.. and this is my blog :). I'm new to the blogging scene... but I've always felt like it's something i NEEDED to do.

On this first blog of mine.. I'm going to reminisce.

These past few weeks have been a crazy whirlwind.. and probably a few weeks that i will remember forever.

To start off all the fun end of the year stuff.. it was Prom Time!

Oh boy!

This was the only Prom I've ever been to with a date. The day before the dance, I worked ALL DAY decorating. Because of this, i got free tickets. :) That made my man happy!

So prom day comes.. and i got "kidnapped" with my best friend Haley. My boyfriend and her boyfriend "kidnapped" us. It was cute. We went and had breakfast and it was a good time. I went and got my hair and nails done and i was ready a long time before i was supposed to be. My man came and got me ( BOY, did he look GOOD!!!!!).

We went to Olive Garden ( a place i had never been before). We had a HUGE group there with us. I felt bad that it was going to cost so much.. so i told my man that I'd pay him back. They forgot my order.. so he didn't have to pay for it anymore. I didn't eat at all that night. It bothered me at the time.. but I'm over it. :)

The dance itself was bittersweet. It was my last dance of my high school career. I loved dancing with my guy and being with my awesome group,  but it really hit me that the end of high school was near.

Next was Baccalaureate. It was a religious ceremony that touched me. My boyfriend was the first one to speak.. and of course.. it was great. You all have to understand that my boyfriend has one of those voices that you WANT to hear. He is pretty great.

One of my great friend's sang also. Emily has the most beautiful voice I've ever heard. She is
insanely talented.  She is one of those people who can do no wrong. Her performance was the only one that made me tear up.

One thing bothered me that night. It's something that's been a constant bother in my life. I was the only one at Baccalaureate who didn't have her parents with her. My parent's don't care to come to stuff like that with me.. which makes me sad.. but also grateful for the wonderful supportive people in my life. I sat with my boyfriend's family. They will never know who grateful i really am from them.

I think that's enough for today... the next time i write though... we will get into the bigger stuff. Hope you enjoyed this sneak peak into my brain. :)