Reunited.. and it feels so good!

This past week i got the coolest opportunity ever. I got to travel to South Carolina.

Why? You may ask..

WELL.....

I got to go surprise my cousin!!! He was graduating from Boot Camp and he didn't know i was coming. It was so great!!!

Besides that AWESOMENESS (being surrounded by hott army men), I've just been trying to deal with the emotions I'm going through at the moment... and that's all i can really say..

until next time. :)

Well.. Hello There!!

It's been awhile!

I haven't been in the LEAST motivated to write. I think now is the best time to do it!!

Life is falling into place.

Works great. It's the holiday season now, so I'm going to be working 24/7. BUT!! One of my VERY best friends is now working there with me!!

I'm getting ready to go to college.. it's just right around the corner and I'm NERVOUS! I'm ready for that chapter in my life though. :)

Boys? Ah. I'm good without them for now. :)

I love you all!

Until next time, <3

The Road To Happiness

So.. I haven't written in awhile.

My life has been full of work and just over thinking everything!

I've been worrying so much about a boy. And now, after talking to him? I just realize I don't need to worry.  I've just got to move on. And.. I'm working on that. :)

And then there's my cousin. He's in boot camp right now... and I couldn't be more proud of him. I'm just really bummed. He's graduating in November and i can't be there for him. That breaks my heart.  I'd give anything to be there. I just hope he knows I'm rooting for him here.

It's Sunday.. and lately? I've been slacking. I haven't been going to Church.. and that has made me feel... awful, to be honest. This morning.. I woke up.. and went to church. IT WAS FANTASTIC. It made me feel whole again. :)

Until next time!
<3

Back To December

My past week was.. amazing to say the least.

I was so lucky and i got to go to Utah and stay with my Aunt and cousins for a few days.

The day after i got there, i got to go see Taylor Swift in concert. Now, that in itself is just plain awesome! But you want to know something even MORE awesome? I got moved from the very top of the stadium.. to being 10 feet away from the stage! Now THAT was awesome.

Being in Utah made me really miss Ryan. He is totally my best friend.. he's been gone for 43 days now. It feels like it's been forever!!

The Day after the Taylor Swift awesomeness.. i went and saw 50/50 with my cousin! I'd recommend it. That movie was hilarious and heartwarming!

Then Saturday... I got to go to LDS General Conference. That experience was amazing. It was like the spirit overwhelmed me! I got a little distracted at the end of it though.. because the boy i was with held my hand.
(So, now I'm in ultimate confusion mode.)

You know what was probably the best part? My cousin, who didn't like me, (Thanks to a jerk for a grandpa), is now talking to me and we are closer! It's great and makes me so happy.

Now I'm just looking forward to November when i can see Ryan again!

Until we meet again. :)
<3 Taneil

The excitement takes control

OH BOY!

This past week was, to say the least, busy. I worked CONSTANTLY.

But the good news there? I got a part time job at Macy's. I officially have a home!! I'm SO excited, it's ridiculous.

Besides that, last week i was talking about my boy troubles.
Well, i talked to one of the boys about it, and let's just say things are "better" now. At least, kinda.

I'm so caught up in my own mind... i just hate the whole "missing and wishing" deal I'm going through.

It'll get better. I'm sure.

Until next time,

<3

Honest

This week has been full of me working and stressing out.

I love working at Macy's. There is only one thing i despise about working there. People are only there to make their sales goal and get credit apps. They hate working there, yet they are all always striving to make their goals... so much so that they don't really care about the customer.. they are only about their goals. It's silly.

Besides that, i've come to realize boys are dumb. Yes, I'm in the BOYS HAVE COOTIES EEWWW phase all over again. Or at least, i wish i was. There are two boys who have been on my mind as of late. I only like one of them.. but now i'm starting to see that was a waste of time.

Boy #1- likes me, my friend, and three other girls. He doesn't know what he wants. The sad thing is, the past two times he's asked me to hang  out, he texts me like an hour before we were supposed to, and says "Hey, this person asked me to do this but blah blah blah" Bascially, he ditches our plans. Oh well!

Boy # 2- I feel like he is playing some serious mind games with me. I like him a lot and i just can't seem to get over him. He's told me that he wants to get back together with me, but he doesn't feel ready. So we both agreed to ease into a relationship. So he tells me he likes me and whatever... and then he starts talking about how there are all these girls at college and he can't do anything about it because he's going on a mission. I don't think he understands.. that can hurt a girl! And then yesterday.. he came into my work to see me, and he starts talking about how he roommate has a thing with this girl. He made it seem like this big deal, and i said "well you dated before your mission (aka me)." and he said "well yeah, but then i saw the light."  OUCH, right? That hurt so badly. So i tried to compose myself during work, but after? I lost it. Anyways, i understand.. He's going on a mission and doesn't want to be distracted.. but i don't think he understands how badly that hurt!!

Besides my little rants, I'm SOOO excited!! I'm going to utah for four days.. to see Taylor Swift and then go to LDS Conference! I'm pumped!

Until next time,

<3 Taneil :)

Saying Goodbye

This past week was a hard one for me.

Some of my very best friends left for college this past week. And it has been SO hard to let them go in a sense.

Things are complicated with my ex.

And my friend.

And my friend's friend passed away this week... the day after i met her.

I just wanna scream.

Ouch with a side of UH OH!

This week will probably slap me in the face a few times. I'm working 39 hours.. and two of my very best friends are leaving for college. Oh whatever will i do?
A lot of been on my mind as of late, including. My ex, my cousin, and my friends.

Why are boys so complicated? And why do i feel so.. lost about things with a certain boy? I think we need to have a major talk and get things straightened out there before he leaves for college!

And oh boy. I MISS MY COUSIN LIKE CRAZY. But when it comes to him? I get really annoyed. My friend likes him.. and that whole situation.. DRIVES....ME....CRAZY... AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH! There are so many feelings about that that i just don't like.

It seems when it comes to a certain friend...  i always come in second to her with everyone. Even MY family. And when that happens? It tends to make a person feel like crap.

Besides that joy, I'm getting sick. Sore throat.. stuffy nose, and the body aches... and i work ALL WEEK!

Ahh wish me luck, :)

It All Flows On

My posts have been pretty short lately. (Thanks to a friend that pointed this out.)

It has been intentional.. i just can't divulge on everything that's going on with me! Because when i do that? I get in a LOT of trouble.

So this past week was a BUSY one. I got back from Utah Sunday Night. And Monday i went back to work. Don't get me wrong... i LOVE working at Macy's. It was so much fun, and i love the people i work with.

I've had a good sales week. Always going over my goal AND i got 4 accounts this week!!!!!! It's been a good week there!!

Tuesday i went to the Idaho State Capital! I went to freaking Boise Baby! I went to the Chevelle concert there.... BOY IT WAS NUTS. Sarah and I were RIGHT next to the stage. I got beer spilt on me, water and spit was EVERYWHERE. Oh.. and major moshing. SUPER SCARY. Then we stayed in a BEAUTIFUL hotel. Loved it. It was such an awesomely fun time. I also saw Dillon Richey. I've hardly hung out with him and it was nice to see him.

I miss my cousin. I haven't talked to him since Monday. And it's been so strange. He is pretty much my best friend!! But i was super offended the other day. My friend and my cousin KINDA have a thing right now.. (It's super weird and i don't like it very much.) But i went into my friend's work and saw her and she told me she got a letter, so i went home thinking i had gotten one too, but alas.. i did not. That was my fear. That my friend would be put before me. It's happened a lot and so it didn't feel so great.

Until next time. :)

Bittersweet

Boy oh boy! What a fun week my previous week has been!!

I got the opportunity to go to Utah and spend a week with my Aunt, Uncle, and my favorite cousin Ryan!! The whole reason i went was because Ryan ships out for boot camp today. So lucky me! I got to spend a whole week with him before he leaves for seven months!! HOW AWESOME IS THAT?!

this week changed a lot for me. Before i went to Utah, i was only kinda close to ry. But now that i'm back home again? I realize how close we really got over this week.

While in utah, i got to go see temple square! HOW COOL IS THAT?! I toured the LDS conference center.. which was amazing.. and i got to see the Morman Tabernacle Choir practice!! I was in awe the whole time i was there. It was a testimony builder for sure.

Besides that amazing experience, i just spent a lot of time with Ryan. I'm really going to miss that boy.

Until next time. :)

Fun Times

This week I get the opportunity to go to Utah to spend sometime with my cousin Ryan before he leaves for Boot Camp.

I'm currently procrastinating on packing for said trip.. but when i actually get on the road, i know this trip will be great. Not only will i get to spend time with my favorite cousin, but with my favorite Aunt as well.

After that, life goes on. But I'll be missing my cousin so very much.

Until we meet again.

Long Hallway With A Broken Light

Work work work!

I'm working so much that i just barely have a social life,

but when i AM out with friends.. i'm having fun.

This week has just been great. Full of work and friends. What more could a girl ask for?

It's all grand in Taneil land.

Woo hoo!!!! Life is going great!!! I have such a positive outlook on life! And I'm so glad.

I had one of the most amazing experiences EVER. I went to Girls Camp.

I'm LDS. Newly LDS, and i love it. I'm also 18. So, it's not really normal for a 18 year old to go to Girls Camp. But i had never gone before, and this would be the only year I'd be able to go as a girl. I am so happy to say every girl there welcomed me with open arms. I felt SO loved there.  I have to say... it was one of the best experiences of my life. 

It was a great experience through and through. But, my favorite part was Bishop's night and getting to know each girl in my ward.

My bishop came to Girls Camp and we had a really nice dinner. LOTS OF COBBLER. MMMMMMMMMMM. It was SO good.!!!

After a Delicious dinner, we had our testimony meeting.

I BAWLED my eyes out.  It was one of the most spiritual meetings I've ever been too. The spirit was POURING out of everyone.

I LOVE the girls in my ward and I'm so thankful that i got the opportunity to go.

Until we meet again. :)

Drama MAMA!

Oh boy! Little did i know? My blog became my issue this week! I'm sorry to those readers that i upset.  My blog is really just for me. I'm glad you all take an interest in what i have to say.. i just VENT my feelings out here. I'm sorry that i offended some. Don't worry, my blogs will be less... informative.


Until we meet again

A mix of emotions.

Man oh man!!! Has my last week been crazy! I've had such a love hate relationship with my last week, it's nuts.
I love this blog. I can get EVERY single emotion that I'm feeling out. It feels GREAT! It's really nice to have a place to vent. Because, right now? I don't know who i can talk to about all of this.

Let me recap my crazy busy week!

Monday was a good/bad day! So earlier in the day, i had plans with a friend of mine. We had planned to go get frozen yogurt together! Well, we ran into a problem. I didn't have a car and she couldn't drive. So, we decided we'd have to do it some other time.

Later on the night, i hung out with some other friends! My night started out with two amazing friends of mine. We went to Wendy's so that i could eat. After, we went to Chinese and met another friend there. While we were at the Chinese restaurant, drama started. I got a text from one of my friend's moms.

Remember the girl i had plans with earlier that day? Yeah, her MOM texts me.. FREAKING out because i "lied and ditched her daughter once again."  This is the third time her mom and gotten ahold of me somehow and just FREAKED out on me. She told me to "leave her and her daughter alone," so i stopped texting her and enjoyed my time with my friends.

We were all bored after they ate Chinese, so we decided to go walk around the river. While at the river, my friend's friend, Kellan, met us there!! Then sadly, it was time for everyone to go home. One friend went home in her car, and the rest of us took Kellan home. My best friend was up in the front seat talking to Kellan, and i was in the backseat really catching up with my old friend. I hadn't hung out with this girl in FOREVER. And i was so looking forward to making things better with her. ( we have a shaky past). All in All? That night was a success.

Tuesday was mainly a drama day. I had a training class pretty much the whole day. We got to take a lunch, so when we did, i looked at my phone. my phone had numerous texts from the mom from the night before. She layed into me AGAIN the next day. She just kept going on and on about what a liar i was and what a horrible friend i was. I mean i totally understand her being upset that her daughter is hurting... but seriously? She's a grown woman. I'm 18. She SHOULDN'T be freaking out on me like this. I left training sooo upset. So I headed over to "The Murph" to see my best friend. This mom was freaking out on her too. I left my friend's work, still upset.. but feeling better. I got on my facebook to find a message from this girls AUNT, again telling me how awful i am and how i only think about myself. So i left my house to go to mutual in tears. I felt just plain awful. I went there not acting like myself and EVERYONE noticed. I wasn't my usual crazy happy self. I was down and trying so hard not to cry. After a little time with my church girls, i felt better. It's so hard not to love them. They are all such great girls. My very good friend found out about what my friend's mom did and he FREAKED. He got SO upset. It was nice to know that he still cares, and that he's still there for me.

Wednesday, now THAT was a good day! Tuesday had been such a roller coaster with my emotions, that i took the day off. I hung out with my best friend Sarah!! She decided that we should go to the "The Murph" and get Kellan and Eric. (She's got a hugeeee thing for Eric.) I have to say, that was super entertaining!! Kellan is very.. interesting to take out into public. I got Kellan's number that day and we've been talking ever sense. He is a very nice guy!

 Later on that night, Sarah and i were still hanging out and we decided to go get Alli. We didn't know what to do.. so we had a random trip  to rexburg!! That's where Alli and I are both going to be going to college. So, we looked at two apartments. (The ones i liked, smelled HORRIBLE, and the one's that Alli's going to live in our SUPER expensive!!). After our two random stops, we decided to go to applebees for some delish mozzarella sticks! I had a good time with Sarah and Alli. Those two just know how to have fun.

Thursday was one of the good days out of the week. It started out with me hanging out with two of the girls that go to my church. (One of them being my very good friend's little sister.) We went shopping and got some frozen yogurt too! This was the day of the final Harry Potter movie and i was going with my very good friend! He had some stuff he had to do, so his little sister and i went and sat in line. I had a really good talk with her. She told me that her whole family loves me and it would have been really weird if i hadn't kept hanging out with her brother after our break-up. She told me she doesn't ever really get girl time, so i promised her that we would have a girls night. And i can't wait for it!
Her brother came and she went home and her brother and i had a VERY deep discussion. I finally felt good about where our friendship was. After talking to him about it all.  Now.. Harry Potter.. 10 years of my childhood was spent on this series.. so of COURSE the last one was an emotional one for me. I cried my eyes out during it, and after it was over. I will truly miss it!!

Friday- It was a normal day. I worked for four hours and then i hung out with Sarah. We decided to go get Kellan and so the three of us went to a park near Kellan's house and just talked. It wasn't anything special.. but it was a good time. So, like i said before. I had been texting Kellan since that one day on the river.  He pretty much set up Sarah and Eric, i told him it was his turn to get set up. And he said "Who would they know to match me with? I mean the only one i can see myself dating is you so yeah." Haha talk about something unexpected happening!

Saturday- It was the dreaded One Day Sale! I worked a long time that day and it was great. After work i got dressed in my PJ'S and hung out with Alli. We decided to kidnap Sarah, so we went to "The Murph" Sarah was making a smores pizza and we chilled behind "The Murph" and just sat there and talked with Kellan. He sang songs, played guitar and told us all stories. After that, Alli, Sarah, and I went on a midnight chicken nugget run.

Sunday- my favorite day of the week. We got a new presidency in the laurel class and i got to stay for ALL of church.  The only thing that bothered me, was that i realized something. Remember me and my very good friend having that deep talk before Harry Potter? Yeah... he didn't talk to me at all the next two days. Not a big deal, i know. But then at church? I think he said "Sit with my family." and that was it. No hello, no goodbye. There is absolutely NO EFFORT. And i can't be the one giving the effort anymore. It sucks. He's friend's with one of my friend's and it's just sad to see how much effort he puts into that friendship, but he doesn't put any in ours. I understand it's DIFFERENT because we dated, but i still think it's a little sad.

After church, i went to work! And i made my sales goal AND got a new account! That sure made ME a happy girl! After work, i hung out with one of my best friends. I feel so bad for her. Her boyfriend dumped her, for the third time. I have to say i DON'T LIKE HIM AT ALL! HE IS SUCH A DOUCHE. The FIRST time they broke up, he hit it and then quit it. The second time SHE broke up with him, and then the next day, he said "I think we need a break from each other." And then this time... this time it was the worst. He didn't talk to her for two days.. and then he just changed his relationship status on facebook. CAN YOU BELIEVE THAT NONSENSE!?!??! Someone needs to punch that kid in the balls, HARD. Anyways, i love her and she deserves SO much better then that D-bag!

That night, I had one of my friends.. well tell me how she really feels about me. And i have to admit. That hurt. BAD. It really makes me feel like I'm an awful person. Much later that night, i was talking to Kellan. We have been texting back and forth, getting to know each other. He actually told me that he was starting to like me... again unexpected!! And to tell you the truth? I think I'm starting to like him back!

Monday was a regular good day. I worked and then i hung out with Sarah, Tara, and Eric. We went to the handicap park and just chilled. The sprinklers turned on so we hurried and jumped outta the way and left. Little did we know, Sarah left her phone in the grass.. her phone is now destroyed. :(.

And finally, yesterday. I went up to the town where I'm going to college to look at apartments. After looking at a few, my friend and i decided on the one we liked the best. it was GREAT!! Step 1 to really getting ready for college is complete! I talked with a financial aid office also, so now I'm feeling pretty great about college!!! I'm so excited to be rooming with one of my very best friends. it'll be such a sweet experience and i can hardly wait for January to get here. Last night, i went to my very first Best of EFY. It was AMAZING. Both speakers touched my heart... and i could REALLY feel the spirit. it was a great experience and I'm SO thankful that i got to go. Before i started writing this blog, i had a talk with a friend. She really doesn't think I'm a very good friend. and it's plain as day that she doesn't trust me, or my intentions. We'll see how that plays out.

Until next week. :)

Keeps Getting Better

Woo! New week, new post.
The fourth of July was a good day. I worked all day, but that was okay with me! After work, i went over to my very good friend's house and I also went to the fireworks with them.  My very good friend had to work later on after the fireworks, so he was napping most of the time that i was at his house. But that's okay, because i hung out with his family. You have to know.. i love his family to death. His mom, in particular, is a huge example to me. I am forever grateful to her and her wonderful kindness.

So, as you all know, I've been depressed. I'm not sure what has gotten me so down, but I'm working through it. After the fireworks, i talked to my very good friend. Things were kinda weird between us and i really hated that. After we talked, (And i got things off my chest), i felt SO much better. It was like a weight was lifted. That felt truly great. I've been feeling a whole heck of a lot better since.

Wednesday night was a good one for me as well. I was so happy, i got to reconnect with a girl who has been my best friend since we were nine. I love her so much and it was just a great time. I'm so excited because we are going to the same college, and we are going to be roommates in the Spring. It'll make for an AWESOME first year of college.

Thursday was another equally busy day for me. I got together with ANOTHER best friend of mine. We started looking at apartments together because we are going to be rooming together this winter. :) After that i worked which was pretty awesome.

Friday, i hung out with someone i haven't hung out with in AGES. She's just moved back to my hometown and it's pretty awesome. We had some rough patches, but i think that we have both grown up. So, this time around, our friendship will be a LOT better. Going to a movie with her was really fun, and I'm looking forward to hanging out with her a lot more before she heads off to college.

Saturday, i just worked. But i applied to get a permanent shoe job, so I'm REALLY hoping that goes through well for me.

And then Sunday, the best day of the week. Oh man. It was a great Sunday. Sundays usually turn out to be the best day for me. Today, in church, we talked heavily about the Atonement of Jesus Christ. The lesson my amazing Sunday School teacher gave really touched me. I felt that I needed to tell my dad what i had learned today. I'm really hoping that what I said to him clicked, because I know that my dad is living in constant pain with guilt. I know that personally, I am so grateful for the Atonement. It gives me a peace of mind to know that I AM NOT ALONE. Christ is going through my hardships with me.

Besides my wonderful church experience, i got to go to a family BBQ at my Aunt Glenda's house. It was a great time to catch up with family. The only bad part was that my favorite cousin, Ryan, wasn't there. BUT!!!!!! My Aunt Ida and I made a plan. I'm going to go stay with her for a few days and that means I'll get to spend time with Ryan before he leaves. You don't even know how this pretty much MADE my whole summer.

Well.. I'm done rambling now. This next week brings a LOT of me being busy! I'm so looking forward to it!

New Week, New Blog.

Hello readers!

I love Sundays. I've said that so many times and I'll say it again. I LOVE SUNDAYS! They are my favorite part of the week.

So let's take a look at what's happened this past week.

This past Tuesday night, i went to the Transformers 3 premiere with my ex who will now be known as my very good friend. Two of our other friend's were in the same theater as us so it was a great time. THAT MOVIE WAS SO GOOD!!

Anyways, that night i realized something. I am not okay. In a way, I'm glad that i finally realized this, so that i can start working on figuring out what's wrong and making things better.

The next day was also a good day. I went to dinner at my very good friend's house with his family. My mom came, and a woman and her daughter from her ward was there. It was a great time with good food and good friends. It was a great time.

IOn Friday, I worked ALL DAY. And surprisingly i LOVED it.  It was just one of those good selling days. At Macy's, you are supposed to try and get people to get credit accounts. I got TWO that day. That is a great feat :) And i made my sales goal. Also, my best friend told me that she was going to the same college as me so now i have a roomie :) I'm SOOO excited :D :D 

This was also the day that i made a promise to myself. I'm having trouble with myself at the moment. I have a friend, and it seems like i put all the effort into our friendship. So i decided to do a test. I'm not putting effort in anymore. And so far? The results are kinda depressing. We'll see how this keeps playing out.

Then just yesterday i got exactly what i needed, time with my family. It was my family reunion on my dad's side and my dear friend Haley got to come with me. We had fun playing with my little cousin Alyssa and then it was time for Haley to go. For the rest of the day, i spent it with my cousin Ryan and my Aunt Ida. I can't even believe how much fun i had. It was just perfect. It was the perfect pick-me-up. I'm so happy i got to spend time with them and i love them so much.

This next week is the 4th of July and more family fun. Can't wait to see how it all plays out this week.

Life Goes On

I need to be positive!!

I just spent a good two hours reading a old friend's blog. She has gone through so much and yet all of her blogs were so positive. I WANT to be that way.

I have to say.. though i may be upset at the time, i know that this will pass. I am so happy that i have the gospel in my life. It is a powerful tool that can bring pure happiness into my life.

My life is NOT bad. I'm just struggling with sadness at the moment.

But, no matter what, I'm going to WORK at keeping my head up and staying positive.

Life is good!!

It's beautiful outside!

And last but not least,

I Am Blessed!

I realized..

I'm NOT okay.

I don't know what's wrong with me.

But.. i have no motivation.

All i want to do is sleep.

And i hardly eat.

And i cry.. without fail.. everyday.

I'm NOT okay.

Confliction.

Oh boy. This week has been full of ups and downs for me.

Honestly, my life is good. I am SO blessed, and i honestly should be more grateful.

Life is good! I should be happier.

But alas, i am not.

As the title says.. I'm conflicted.

I so desperately want things to be okay with my ex boyfriend. And things were going.. well as smoothly as they could, all things considered. And me? With my big mouth? I had to tell him how i was feeling. And now.. we aren't talking. At least, not really. That hurts so badly!

I can tell he is going through a hard time. He has been my shoulder to cry on many times. I just want to be here for him. Yet, being the ex-girlfriend, I'm thinking that he doesn't WANT me to be that person. It honestly hurts so badly. It feels like our friendship is falling apart.

You have to understand, he came into my life at a terrible time. They (his family, not just him) have been such a blessing to me. I don't think they truly understand how much their love has helped me. I don't know what i would do without them. THIS is why it's effecting me so heavily.

You all are probably thinking, wow she talks about her ex too much! I know, i know. I'm STILL getting over this. It helps me to vent. I'm going to try my HARDEST to be positive.

Until next time.

...... what do i do?

I think that i am too sensitive. My feelings get hurt much too easily.

What do you do when you feel like you are wanted around.. or not even wanted to simply talk to?

Walk away?

Ha.. it's not that simple.

Time to Heal

Boy.. this has been a tough week for me.

Went through a break-up with my first love..

Discovered that my mom is still drinking.. and has been for months. (More on the drama later.)

I've been mopey, sad, and down-right pathetic until early this morning. I realized.. that i NEED to be positive. It's okay to be sad.. but it won't get me anywhere.

Today itself was good. I LOVE SUNDAYS!! They are the best day of the week. A dose of the spirit.. and time with good friend's and family.

I went and hung out with ex-boyfriend from above. He's honestly a great guy. NO MATTER WHAT HE SAYS.

 We are total dorks though... we hung out all day. and for a good four hours of it.. we sat on our laptops transferring music to one another.. barely speaking.  It was quite funny! It was a good time.. and I'm SO GLAD that we are friends still. He is my best guy friend.. for sure.  I realized something today.. but I'm not going to say it. Because he reads this. :)

I have to say i love his mom. She's a total sweetheart. This morning, i was pretty worried that things would be awkward in church.  His mom came up to me and hugged me and told me no matter what.. that I was one of the family. That made me feel 184398743 times better.

So after all this, here's to the more positive Taneil. :)

Now for the tough stuff

I wrote once today.. my first blog.. and a life changing thing happened soon after i wrote it.

I am living the single life.. again.

It's been 4 months and i'm back. I really didn't think i'd be back this soon.. but you know.. stuff happens i guess.

He had been distant from me for awhile.. but when i saw him in person..  i felt like everything was okay.

This is really hard for me. I love this boy. I love this boy with all my heart.. and i'm starting to wonder if he.. loved me or not.

Before me, he had feelings for another girl. A beautiful girl. A talented girl. She is one of those girls who does everything. She broke his heart.. and even to this day.. i don't know if he ever really got over her.

I have ALWAYS felt.. like i can't compare to her. She's perfect.. and i am not. They have been friend's for YEARS. And yet anytime he would talk to her, or even hang out with her.. i would feel... bad.

He needs to work out personal issues he has.. and i totally understand that. It doesn't mean that it doesn't hurt.

This is kinda a first breakup for me. I've been in one other relationship before.. but when HE broke up with me.. it didn't hurt the way this one does.

This boy is my best friend.. he has been through SO much with me... and now it's over.. i look back on our relationship.. and think about how great it was..  and how much i'm going to miss being his girlfriend. He treated me better than.. well anyone else i know.

So in a nutshell.. my heart is broken.  I'm going to get over it.. just not tonight.

Here We Go!

Hello All!
I'm Taneil.. and this is my blog :). I'm new to the blogging scene... but I've always felt like it's something i NEEDED to do.

On this first blog of mine.. I'm going to reminisce.

These past few weeks have been a crazy whirlwind.. and probably a few weeks that i will remember forever.

To start off all the fun end of the year stuff.. it was Prom Time!

Oh boy!

This was the only Prom I've ever been to with a date. The day before the dance, I worked ALL DAY decorating. Because of this, i got free tickets. :) That made my man happy!

So prom day comes.. and i got "kidnapped" with my best friend Haley. My boyfriend and her boyfriend "kidnapped" us. It was cute. We went and had breakfast and it was a good time. I went and got my hair and nails done and i was ready a long time before i was supposed to be. My man came and got me ( BOY, did he look GOOD!!!!!).

We went to Olive Garden ( a place i had never been before). We had a HUGE group there with us. I felt bad that it was going to cost so much.. so i told my man that I'd pay him back. They forgot my order.. so he didn't have to pay for it anymore. I didn't eat at all that night. It bothered me at the time.. but I'm over it. :)

The dance itself was bittersweet. It was my last dance of my high school career. I loved dancing with my guy and being with my awesome group,  but it really hit me that the end of high school was near.

Next was Baccalaureate. It was a religious ceremony that touched me. My boyfriend was the first one to speak.. and of course.. it was great. You all have to understand that my boyfriend has one of those voices that you WANT to hear. He is pretty great.

One of my great friend's sang also. Emily has the most beautiful voice I've ever heard. She is
insanely talented.  She is one of those people who can do no wrong. Her performance was the only one that made me tear up.

One thing bothered me that night. It's something that's been a constant bother in my life. I was the only one at Baccalaureate who didn't have her parents with her. My parent's don't care to come to stuff like that with me.. which makes me sad.. but also grateful for the wonderful supportive people in my life. I sat with my boyfriend's family. They will never know who grateful i really am from them.

I think that's enough for today... the next time i write though... we will get into the bigger stuff. Hope you enjoyed this sneak peak into my brain. :)